I Know.

I have found that I often feel like I take advantage of everything this gospel has given me. It truly has given me a new way to living and I love that! I know without a doubt that I would not be here, as the person I am today had I not known all that this gospel has taught me and continues to teach me. I know that I have a lot more to learn, but I am happy knowing what I know.
Because of this gospel, I can know that I am going to see my father again. I can't wait for the day where I can once again feel my dad's arms around me and hold me tight. I can't wait to see him again. I know he has been watching over me and my sisters and I know he's a part of my life still. I will forever remember him.
I can know that my oldest sister Sandra, will be made perfect and won't have to live with autism forever. She has an incredible strength that God had asked of her and she willingly accepted. She is truly special and I love and care for her. She has taught me so much about loving and not being quick to judge. She has taught me to be patient and understanding. She means everything to me and I love her dearly.
I can know that I am a daughter of a king, a princess in His eyes and I am worth it, every minute of everyday. Every drop of blood Christ shed for me, was worth it. I am more than what I see in myself. I am more than what the world sees in me. I am what God has always and will always see in me. God sees in us more than we could ever see in ourselves, which is only one of the reasons why we need Him.
I know that He wants me to be happy and wants what is best for me. He asks so little of us in return for all He has done. Yet sometimes, I forget and I struggle remembering how little He really does asks of us.
He doesn't ask us to remember Him because He is selfish but because He knows if we remember Him, we will be closer to returning to Him, our Heavenly Father. When we are closer to the world than to God, it's hard to stay on the right path, but if we are closer to God than we are the world, it is that much easier to walk away if something is not in line with God's plan.
I know that sometimes it seems like God asks a lot of us. Sometimes I want to be more of the world and feel more accepted from the world, but the world will never give us what I know God gives us. God fills you with joy and love and hope. The world will just fill you with bitterness, selfishness, emptiness and despair. When put like that, it makes me ask myself why I can't see the bigger picture. Why do I yearn for the feelings the world would give me when I know the feelings God will give me?
However, I know that God is also a merciful God. I know that He will always be there, stretching out
His hand, ready to pick me up when I have fallen. He will never leave me. He knows me. He is my light. He is my strength. And He is my God and I know without a doubt that He is there and I can always turn to Him.

The Fight Continues :)

As many of you saw me post things for National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, I wanted to share a little bit about my thoughts on this past week and this past year. Last year was my first time participating in NEDAW and it truly was a blast for me. I learned a lot about myself and about the people I surround myself with. I was nervous participating in it because I was still unsure about telling people my story with eating disorders. I started the week off with only telling my closest friends and family about the things I was doing as I participated. But by the 3rd day, I was starting to share what I was doing with people I hardly even knew. I loved seeing how supportive my friends were and how excited they were about joining in on NEDAW with me. I didn't have to face it alone. Just like I haven't had to face recovery alone. By the end of NEDAW last year, I finally shared my story on my blog for anyone and everyone to see. I was tired of it holding me back and I wanted to move forward with feeling ashamed of it (you can read my story here:http://dreadfulthoughtsofadistraughtteen.blogspot.com/2014/03/sharing-my-storyits-about-time-i-did.html).
It's been a year since then (obviously) and I can say a lot has changed for me. I still hesitate about talking about what I have gone through because of my ED, but it has taught me a lot and I feel like it has brought me closer to God in ways I never thought possible. This past week was great and I loved seeing once again, people fight for a cause, one that is so important to me. I felt like this year, they focused NEDAW around raising awareness and also remembering yourself.
This week I've reflected on the past year. Recovery isn't perfect. I still have a long way to go, but I've come to learn that I am worth the fight. I deserve to fight. I have a reason to fight.
The one thing I never understood about eating disorders before I dealt with one, was the emotional side. Society teaches us that we need to be a certain way, and that really does take a toll on people after a while. Emotionally and mentally, I still have a really, really long way to go. This past year, I've realized how much my ED changed my mentality. If I hear people talking behind me and I can't hear what they say, I automatically think they are talking about how bad I am or they're criticizing me. I hate getting dressed because I have a daily battle with how my body looks every time I try to get dressed to go somewhere. I don't like shopping for clothes either. There's a lot more too, but my point is, because of my ED, it's been a challenge to see what other's see.
And it doesn't just go away. You can tell me how much you think I'm worth all you want, but it's not going to just make me believe it. It's something I've realized takes time. A lot of time.
I lost a lot of what I thought I was worth and because of that I lost my faith in God for quite some time. I didn't think I mattered so why would a God pay attention to me. But over time, things started changing little by little. I found hope in myself and because of my knowledge of God, I've been able to recover little by little. I may still have a long way to go, but I know now without a doubt that God cares about me. He loves me and will continue to walk with me as I battle with this for the rest of my life. I feel like I've come a long way since just last year...and it blows my mind how far I've come from the very beginning of recovery. Life is all about learning and growing and that is exactly what my ED has done. I'm not proud of my decision back then, but I can't change what already has been done and it no longer is holding me back the way it used to.
I am a warrior because of it.

Pics from the week:

Spread Awareness Sunday: Let people know

Music Monday: What music inspires you?

Toolbox Tuesday: A recovery toolbox

We Saw What? Wednesaday: Advertisements that promote
bad body image 

Thankful Thursday: What are you thankful for about your body?

Fearlessly Authentic Friday (video): Be You!

Soulfie Saturday: Something for yourself