To those that read this and those I have misjudged,
I really try not to, but sometimes I really can misjudge
people. It's one of my weaknesses and I've been trying to work on it. I feel
guilty for all the people I have misjudged throughout my life. It hurts
realizing how wrong I have been. My heart at times can be very hardened. I try
to be open-minded and not judge people, but I do at times. There are times
where I fall into the temptation, and it is times like this that I feel
horrible. I know nothing and I have no right.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry to all those I have misjudged some point in my
life. I don't know all you go through. I don't know what you have had to deal
with that make you the way you are. I have been wrong so many times while
judging people. It's not my place to judge.
You would think I would be more understanding, I've had my
fair share of trials, but sometimes I am selfish.
I forget that others go through their own hardships.
Sometimes I ignore what I see others going through because I only think of what
I am going through. At times, I am blinded by my own selfishness.
That is what I do, but it is not who I am.
I refuse to keep doing nothing about this problem of mine.
It's going to be incredibly difficult, but I want to do better. I don't want to
keep going through life knowing that I have this weakness, but I sit around and
do nothing about it. I don't want to give into the idea that that is who I am,
because it's not.
I am starting now, today, this very minute, to work on it.
Starting with a girl I have shut out of my life because of a mistake she made
so long ago. She used to be a really close friend of mine and I turned my back
from her. I never meant to, but I did. I feel awful and it has shocked me how
far apart she and I have become. She was like a little sister to me and I
promised her I would always be there for her.
I lied.
I didn't mean to, but I did. I knew she had her faults, I
accepted them. They never made a difference in our friendship until one certain
slip up, something that was even towards me. I don't know why, but I hardened
my heart against her. I shut her out and I wasn't there for her after that.
I feel horrible.
Lately I've been trying to be a little friendlier, but it's
just not the same for me. I feel reliable for the broken friendship and I have
not yet forgiven myself for it. I feel bad knowing now how she was having a
hard time adjusting to certain things and didn't have many friends with her
throughout the whole thing. When she needed a friend most, I wasn't there for
her. I feel like I broke the friendship. I was the one to have walked away
first. It's hard looking back, realizing how close of friends we were and where
we are now.
To that girl, I am so sorry for that mistake. I am sorry for
not keeping my promise to you. I am sorry for not being the friend you trusted
in. I'm sorry.
I lost a very good and close friend because of my hardened
heart and judgments toward her. I am so lucky that I have been given another
chance to make things right with this girl, but that's not always the case.
We miss so many opportunities when we choose to judge. We
put our relationship with the other person at a risk. Even if they are complete
strangers, we risk it. And for what? A little self-gratification? Some social
acceptance? Blame? What really are the reasons behind judgment?
Are they really worth it?
My reasons aren't. All they are is stupid and pathetic. And
I am sorry for my mistake, my weakness, my judgments. I am sorry for falling
into the trap of judgment and risking any relationship I have. I am so sorry.
-Alissa Lopez
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