hApPy NeW yEaR's!!!

I'll make this short, but this has been a crazy year. I can't believe it's almost over! I have had a lot of growing this year. I finally got the guts to ask a guy to a dance...which is actually the first dance that I can go to (at least a school dance), but still. It has been a crazy adventure this year, I was in 2 plays and I had so much going on this year. I'm kind of sad that the year is about to end, but I'm so excited for this next year! Hope you all have a great new year. HAPPY NEW YEAR'S TO Y'ALL! :DDD

Who knew life would turn out like this?

Oh wow, life just when it seems good decides to change its mind and flip ya right back where you were. I've kind been keeping this back from people...and I need to let it out or I don't know what will happen. I have this friend, let's just call her "Miranda." Well Miranda and I have been friends practically forever. She's a great gal, but she's got some honesty issues. But pretty much nobody tells her that we don't believe her anymore...and yeah, that's an oppsies on my side too. Anyways, I have this other friend who we'll call "Amber." She and I have been friends since last year. We're both really close, or at least we were. We did practically everything together, and I was always over at her house. Well, then I got into my school play and I ended up getting really busy, and then Amber was busy with her life too. We still were really close, she'd call me during rehearsals or text me, and at school we were practically inseparable. Then it came to the last week of the 1st term, yeah I know...that was a ways back, but everything leads up to this point. Anyways, I was really stressed with my grades, because I like having straight A's...I'm that kind of person. And, I was also stressed because of the play, don't get me wrong...I loved being in the play, but it was stressful. Anyways, I also take 2 online classes that I wasn't really doing that often because I was so busy, so I was getting a little worried about them kicking me out of the class, so that put more stress. Well, one night I was texting Amber and we were both saying how we were both stressed, and I don't know how we got to this, but then we started fighting because I was saying that I had so much to do in so little time, but she was trying to tell me that she had more. Yeah, I know...stupid. Well we sort of worked that out that night, by just dropping it. Anyways, I was really stressed as I said, and I needed help...from anyone or anything...so I turned  to prayers. I asked my friends if they would also pray for me...but I didn't ask my friend Amber because first I wasn't sure she would (there's a reason behind that), and second, she had caused some of the stress and it seemed ironic to ask her to pray for something that she was a part of. Well one of my friends, we'll call her "Kayla," she told Amber about the text, and Amber freaked out. She started texting me asking why I didn't ask her to pray, and I really didn't want to deal with it...so I tried explaining it in the least possible way, and we tried to just drop it and continue on. Well, that was kind of a mistake...because after I was still a little mad at her so the next morning we weren't really talking that much, and that gave Miranda all she needed to wedge right between us (You were wondering when she'd come back in...). You see, Amber showed Miranda the texts and Miranda just started taking Amber's side so that she could win her over. Worst thing ever! So, we weren't really talking that much and we were both still mad at each other. I finished the term with all A's, which took a lot of stress of my back. But there was still Amber, who was now causing the most stress. One day in our foods class, where we sat next to each other on the same table, one of our friends who we'll call "Sally," told us to stop fighting and just make up already (Even though we hadn't talked to each other...i consider it fighting). So, we tried to work it out, but we both got more mad and Sally just said, "Alissa do you want to be friends with her?" So I replied, "If she wants to be, I'll be her friend." So, she asked Amber the same thing and she said that same thing as me...so we just dropped the whole issue, and started being friends again...trouble was, Miranda had practically replaced me. Things were way different. Miranda and Amber were always together, and were always talking to each other. Amber hardly even texted me. So, I knew things had changed, and I knew that it shouldn't bother me, but it did...because as much as I hate to admit it...I was jealous...and still am. Anyways, now to the more recent times...it came to my around my birthday and Miranda decided to throw me a surprise birthday party (haha thing is I knew about the whole time...she's horrible at doing them...she practically gave it away from the start by telling Amber that she needed to talk to her and that I couldn't know about it...but that I would know later...nice going there Miranda). Anyways, she decided to throw me a party, but the timing was really bad timing. I was really stressed once again for classes and the play, and on top of that I was still stress about the Amber thing. And, I had offered to help out with another play from my old jr. high school, and I still had those online classes. So, Amber and another friend come and "kidnap" me to take me to my "surprise" party...and as they took me my phone dropped in the grass, but none of us knew. So, when we got to the place were the party was being held, and we were all inside and started settling down, I realized I didn't have my phone. And I didn't mention, but I was texting somebody at the time...so I kind of wanted to find my phone because I was texting this person. Anyways, I kind of freaked and we tried looking for it, but we couldn't find it...so I was kind of upset, because I wouldn't have lost my phone if they hadn't thrown the party....and I'm not blaming them, but that's the truth. Well, since I was also working on my homework that I was stressing out about, as the time got later, I started realizing that I wasn't going to have time to do my homework. So, I started complaining. Yeah, I was being a bummer, but not completely. You see, this is important...cuz it's going to come up again. When I had first arrived, I had said thanks to everybody who was there...including Miranda. As we were cutting the cake and eating it, I said thanks once again to Miranda. Every time Miranda got something for me...I said "Thanks." See I was also grateful. As we were leaving, I said thanks to her grandma for letting us use her home, and I said thanks once again to Miranda. Well, when we got to my house, Miranda and her mom helped try looking for my phone in my yard. Miranda tried calling, texting...everything, but we couldn't find it. I checked in my house, and couldn't find it. It was really late, already past midnight, so I thanked Miranda and her mom for looking for my phone and for the party and I told them I'd try looking in the morning. (I found it in the morning on the edge of my yard, face down...and it's red so it looked like these "pods" we get in my yard, which is why we couldn't find it) I get to school and everything is going great, at least it seemed like it. Apparently Miranda and Amber didn't like the way I acted at the party and Miranda thought it would help to spread a little lie here and there about what happened. She told Amber, I never once said thank you to her...which as we all know is a lie, and she told her that I told Miranda that she had to throw me a surprise party for me, when I never once asked for one. So, Amber was getting the idea that I was really ungrateful for the whole thing, which isn't true, I was, but I was also stressed. Anyways, Amber and Miranda kept talking about me behind my back...and then acted like there was nothing wrong in front of me. But I caught on really quickly, because I knew when Amber was upset and talking about people...I knew her more than Miranda and I could tell something was up...but I didn't really want to deal with it at the moment, so I waited for a couple of weeks. Oh, and by this time, my  play was finished, so I didn't have that weighing on my back. On opening night of my sister's play, the one I was helping out with...as we were doing some last minute stuff, I decided I had had enough of Amber not really talking to me, so I texted her asking what I had done this time and why she was upset...it took a long time, but she finally told me that she was annoyed at a lot of things I was doing and that I always have to complain. Well, that got me fired up, and we both started throwing words around and saying things that shouldn't have been said. Luckily, she couldn't see me, because I was crying...and I hate people seeing me cry (I was backstage hidden so that people wouldn't notice). Finally, I just told her I didn't want to deal with her at the moment and I didn't have time for it. So, we dropped it...but not really because before that...I had told her that maybe we shouldn't be friends because this kept happening. I was still really upset, but I had to do the show, so I tried to fake that I was OK. My friend who we'll call "Adam" who is in the play picked up on it, and tried to get me to tell him what was going on. (He knows Amber and I didn't want to make a big deal about the whole thing, because I hate people choosing sides.) Well, he even tried having my sister try figuring out what was going on, but I wouldn't tell. He said that if I didn't tell him, he wasn't going on stage. But I told him, I just needed to think about it all before I told him and that I'll tell him about it later. He finally agreed on that and let me be for a while. As I was doing some last minute check-ups backstage I came out and one of the techies asked if I was okay, at first I just nodded my head, but then I shook it and started crying again. She took me up into a classroom that the director was in and right when I came in, the director knew I was upset...and I had stopped crying. He asked me what was wrong and I told him everything, and then he told me what I needed to do was write everything out and then tell her that I still want to be friends, but that it was all in her hands. So, I felt a little better...and yes, I did end up telling Adam what happened. Anyways, it took a couple of days before I got the courage to write to her...I hand-wrote a note and put it on her door. That night...(this I believe was closing night at the play) I got a text from Amber telling me that I needed to check my email. I went and found the director and asked him if I could check my email on his computer, and since he knew about the whole situation, he let me. Well I read her letter and I wanted to clarify or put in my opinions in places, but I didn't want to rewrite another letter, so I asked one of the techies that I'm friends with what I should do. She told me that what needed to happen next, was to actually talk to each other...face-to-face. I was nervous but I knew that's what needed to happen. So, I told her that. Well I was sick and unable to really talk, so we didn't talk for that day, and then she was sick for a few days so we couldn't talk, and then it was my actual birthday and I didn't want to deal with all that on my birthday...so we didn't talk then. A whole week went by without talking to each other. Finally we decided to talk on Monday, but then found out we couldn't, so we talked on Tuesday on the bus. But that wasn't enough time so we talked at her house and figured out what was the problem...Miranda's lies. That was what was causing the whole thing. So, we got it all worked out and then we started talking like the old times. It felt nice, I even stayed at her house for like 3 hours more. And after that, we started getting a little closer than before, but it still feels like Miranda still has replaced me. But I do admit, after school lately, I'm the one that gets to go over to Amber's house and it's starting to feel like how it used to. Until, a couple days ago, when Miranda and I got into a little fight. Because really I was still mad at Miranda for the whole thing, and she was acting like it wasn't her fault for the fight. Well she and I kind of just made up for the whole thing, but I'm actually really starting to get annoyed with her, and I feel like Amber is going to start pulling away because of the whole thing that happened with me and Miranda. I just am so tired of all this conflict...any ideas?

Update time!

OK, so life is good right now. I'm not having huge issues with anybody, and life just seems to glide by. I'm really happy lately, and it's been really good this past week. I'm trying to think of what to give people for Christmas since it's next week, which is CRAZY! I feel like this past year has just flown by so quickly. It's been a crazy year, but it's also been very rewarding. I hope this year has been amazing for you as it has been for me. I've learned a lot about myself and others this past year. It's been adventure, but it's been worth it. I'll try to update you with more details of things in the coming week. Everybody, have a great rest of the week! Love y'all!!!!

Life...what to say...

Well, there's a lot going on with my life. I did have a fight with a friend a couple of weeks ago, but that's all worked out now. Another thing that's happened is two of my friends like each other. The guy told me he liked her and she likes him, but the girl hasn't said a word about it to me. She just talks to me about the other guy she used to (and still sort of does) like. Really, I just want her to tell me about it! I don't see why she won't. That's really all I want to hear from her right now. I just want her to admit it!
Another thing, I asked a guy to my preference dance a couple days ago, and where I come from, we have to do it all fancy and cute. So, the guy I asked is really into dance. What I did was I got a box and put a couple dancing inside it. Then I wrote, "Will you dance the night away with me at preference?" I filled the box with candy and put my name in it, kind of hidden. Then I had it given to his mom. So, now I just have to wait for his answer! This is the scary part! Hopefully, all goes as planned! Wish me luck! I hope you all are doing great! I'll try to write on Monday. :)

Ok...I'm back

Hey guys...so I know I've been away for a long time, but I'm back. I've been super busy with some extra activities from school, but those are over for the moment and now I have not much to do. Just so you all know, one of my best friends and I are in a fight right now. I guess things have been left unsaid for a long time. So, what happened was this, I felt like she was really mad at me for something I had done, but she wasn't telling me anything; she was kind of ignoring me. So, I asked her this past Wednesday night what was going on and why she was mad at me, when she said why I felt really hurt and so I blew up at her. Yes, I was the one to blow up. So, she blew up at me for blowing up at her...and just so you can understand a bit better, this was over text...not face-to-face. So, she was reading into the way I would say things, the wrong way and I bet I was doing the same. It was actually a really bad time that this was all happening, I was at my little sister's junior high school helping with the play that they were doing (I was in-charge of doing their spotlight for the show). So, there were people there that were friends with me, that also knew this friend of mine. I ended up just walking backstage so no one could see me, and I just started crying. Unfortunately, I had to go do some things for their play before they began, so I had to just learn to deal with everything and try to fake that everything was ok (which I can usually do pretty well), but this night was not a normal night. One of my best friends there found me and knew something was up, I just wasn't ready to talk about it. About a half hour later, I walked into the classroom the actors met while they waited to be onstage (lucky they were out having a meeting in their auditorium), but the director was in there. He knew something was up and pulled me aside asking me what was wrong. I told him, and he gave me advice about just writing a letter out to her where I can explain everything to her, without her interrupting me. So, I did and I was really nervous to give it to her personally so I dropped it off at her house on Friday evening. I was also helping out with the play that night too, so I was there when I got a text from her telling me to check my email. I asked the director if I could check it, so he let me. She had wrote back to me. As I was reading through it, I wanted to say things about it, but I didn't want to write another letter. So, I talked with a good friend of mine that night and asked what she thought I should do, and she told me that the next step was talking to each other...face-to-face. So, I responded to her letter by telling her that we needed to actually talk to each other. I'm expecting that to happen tomorrow, so we'll have to see how it goes. Hopefully, things will get better. That's what has been going on this past week. I'll tell you how things work out. Thanks for reading!

Updating some things...

Well this has been an interesting week. It's been the end of term this week, so it's been a very stressful one. Also, my friend and I got into some sort of fight that has been quite confusing for me. First off, I don't know how we got in the fight, and second she will act like we're friends in one of our classes, but then outside of that class, she won't talk to me. It's getting kind of confusing and it wasn't something I wanted to deal with...and still don't want to deal with. Another thing, my play rehearsals have been insane! I have rehearsals like everyday till around 8. This Saturday, I was there at 7 in the morning!!! It's crazy! But, it's all starting to come together. As, this month comes to a close, things are starting to get better, and life is getting simpler. So, I'm excited for next month, I have lots of birthdays for people next month. :) So, we'll see how it all goes. Thanks for reading! Love ya'll!

Quick update!

Well, this is going to be as short as I can make it. It's late, and I'm tired but I wanted to post somethings. This past week was really stressful. I had so many things going on at once that I was going crazy. I also wasn't getting enough sleep. On Friday, my body was pretty much done with it. I had a HUGE headache. It didn't help that I had band that same day. At first my headache was just a normal headache. But then it starting getting worse from all the noise. The pain starting to take over my face. I was in a lot of pain. It hurt so much I was in tears! I also had my playing test that day...with my headache...and my eyes full of tears. I wasn't sure I was going to pass my test. Thankfully, I did. But I have never had a headache like that ever before. I was in so much pain. I got home and took some medication and it helped a lot. My school had a football game that night, and even though I shouldn't have gone because of my headache I did. Luckily, I didn't have any problems with my head. However, it was raining during the game. I was cold, wet, and yelling my lungs out. I knew this was not a good combination. Now...I'm sick. It sucks. I was supposed to avoid getting sick because of the school play I am in. But I have been in the cold, wet weather all week and being stress and not getting enough sleep caused my immune system to go down. So, it only took that last Friday night to take over and get me sick. It's not that pretty. I feel disgusting. Things are getting better though. I'm not stressing out as much anymore...so that's great! :) I hope this week goes better...'knock on wood!' Have a great week!

Life...hmm...

Okay, I know I haven't been posting lately on here, but I'm going to try to do better. So, update to how my life is holding up. First off, last month I went the whole month without sugar. That was hard...sometimes but now I don't have to always have sugar. So, it helped me. :)
Also, a couple weeks ago I got in a HUGE fight with my mom and step-dad. I just have been holding lots of things inside I kind of exploded, but I still didn't say everything that was on my mind because I didn't want to get into even more trouble. I cried till about 2 in the morning. I had to cry myself to sleep. It was really intense. It was so crazy. When I woke up in the morning, my eyes were swollen from crying and I looked disgusting. The sad thing was, one of my friends didn't even really care that I was upset. She knew I was upset and everything, but when I wanted to talk about it, she would just talk about herself. That day, I had rehearsals and I had to walk home from rehearsals because my mom wouldn't come pick me up. I live far away from my school and as I started to walk home, I just started bawling. I have never been that upset in my whole life. I really felt alone. I felt like there was nobody who even cared about me. But things are getting better. I watched General Conference and some of the talks had me crying because they were talking about how God loves us and we are never alone. I just felt so much peace and I just cried. My life isn't perfect, but I'm trying to get there. :) I promise to start posting a little more. That's all for now. Bye!

Wow! Life is a roller coaster!

     First off...ya know that guy I was talking about last time I posted? Well, I finally saw him. It has been so long and it was kind of weird at first to see him. I didn't want to seem like I was upset with him, so I just acted as if I never was. That turned out great! :) I think I can finally let go of what happened in the past, it's time to move on. Oh, and I will be seeing him again this week...so we'll see how that turns out. :D
     Now...on to some other stuff. This whole month I have made it my goal to go off sugar. It's been a struggle these past couple of weeks...but I think I'm starting to handle it. It defiantly has made me look closer at just how much sugar I would be eating if I wasn't going off it. A lot of my friends are being supportive, and it's getting easier to just choose the stuff without sugar than to eat items loaded with it. I think it gets hardest at school. There have been times when I have almost eaten sugar. But I pull through and remember. This last week it was getting super hard for me. I even had a dream about it, but I pulled through and I'm all good. I hope it gets easier for the next couple of weeks. I'm just getting a little sugar-deprived. I don't have that crazy energy I have that comes from eating sugar. Don't get me wrong, I'm not crazy for sugar. But I do like sugary foods. I'm doing good with it, and I know I can make it. :D
     Another thing happening to me this month is that I got into my school play. At the beginning of this month I have been doing singing auditions, dancing auditions, call-backs, and waiting for an answer. I finally found out on Saturday that I made it! I'm super excited. :) I don't know all the details yet, but when I do...I'll make sure to let y'all know. ;)
     This week I will be getting to help one of my favorite teachers. He is the drama teacher, and is doing his auditions for the school he teaches at (that I no longer go to). My friend and I are both going to help him out with his auditions, so I'm really excited for that. I can't wait.
     This month is going to get a little crazy, but I'm ready for it! Lately I've been feeling as if I'm riding "The Roller Coaster of Life!" I've had so many downs, ups, twists, and turns...I might get sick! It's crazy, but that's life for ya! Hope y'all are doing great! I'll get back to ya!

Let it go?

So, one of my best friends is going to the mall on Saturday with a bunch of our friends. She really wants me to go, but there's kind of an issue. One of the people going was a really close friend of mine last year, but things are a little different between the two of us. If you're wondering, this friend is a guy. He and I were really close last year, but then things kind of change between him and I. He doesn't know it, but I kind of got upset with him at the earlier this year...kind of at the end of the whole school year. I wasn't really talking to him and I kind of avoided him. At the end of the year, on yearbook day is when I finally talked to him, really talked to him. Then other things kind of happened and I found myself upset with him again. There always is something I'm not telling, because I don't really want to say it...but I might let you know what it is...maybe... Anyways, my friend told me to come and I told her I would, but then she started telling me all who was coming and when she told me this guy was going I completely froze. I don't want to see him, but I don't want to let my friend down...besides I want to go...I just don't really want to go because I think it would be awkward with him there. I wouldn't know what to say to him and I'm also afraid that I'll ignore him and then he'll confront me about it, causing a big deal. Part of me wants to go, but the other part is telling me not to go. What do you think I should do? Should I just go and not let him get in the way, or should I just not go? Should I just let this all go and forgive and forget?

Life is getting busier!

With school on its way, and the end of summer wrapping up, things are starting to get busier. With the online classes I'm already taking, and getting ready to move into a new room, looking for a job, babysitting, finishing up on summer reading, and all the things for getting ready for school. It's going to be getting pretty chaotic when the school year begins! So, what I need is to become more organized with my life. What are some ways to keep your schedule organized with time left for yourself? If ya have any ideas or ways you keep it all together, then please share! Thanks! :)

Life is going good!

Hey guys! Thanks for all the great feedback on my last post...I still haven't talked to her about it yet, but she and I are getting along pretty well lately. So, that's good! :D That's one good thing that's been going great in my life lately. Another WONDERFUL thing that's going on right now is I'm in the middle of going through my stuff in my bedroom. Usually, this wouldn't be so great, but it is for me because I will be getting a new room once I've finished in my room (that I share with my sisters) and the playroom. Since we're all starting to grow up, we don't need a playroom...therefore, I get to use it as my room! OH YEAH! I'm so happy! :D For as long as I can remember, I have always had to share a room. So this is really big for me. On top of all that, school is about to start...and yeah, I know...school is....um...well school is school...and can be boring. But I'm actually excited to start school again. I am ready to see all my friends I have missed over the summer. I can't wait to see them all. I've missed seeing them so often. I've seen a lot of them over the summer, but not as much as I'd like. So, school...let's get started! These are just a few things that are making my life great right now...on top of that...SUMMER HAS BEEN AMAZING! I've had time with my grandparents, friends, and family. I've gone on a backpacking trip, camping, and lots of places around my home. It has been a fun and memorable summer. And I'm going to end it all in a Back-to-School Party! That way I can see ALL my best friends again! It's going to be based off of the TV show, 'Minute-to-Win-It! I love that show and it's going to be a blast! I can't wait! :D How has your guys summers been? I want to hear of some things you all have done. :D

I can't deal with it...but I don't know what to do!

I'm really tired of my friend telling me lies. It seems to me that's all she tells me lately. Sometimes it seems like she wants to be my friend, but there are starting to be lots of times when she ignores me and it feels like she doesn't want to be friends anymore. She's like sending me mix messages. I'm tired of it, and I don't know what to do. She also likes to either stretch the truth, or just lie about things. It's starting to get hard to know what is real and what isn't. It seems to me that she thinks EVERY single boy she meets HAS to love her. I'm tired of hearing things like, "He keeps turning his head back. He likes me." or "Did you hear the way he said that. I think he likes me." or "He just looked back here. He likes me." or "He likes me, he keeps talking to me." or "He flirts with me all the time." or "He always says 'hi' to me in the halls. He's never done that. He must like me." or "He keeps asking me for help. I think he likes me." You see! It gets annoying! I can't talk to her about this stuff because she gets really mad sometimes. I have talked to her about it before...like 4 years ago. That was one of the worst fights I have ever been in. I remember running to the bathroom because she made me cry so hard. It was awful. I don't want to have a repeat of that...so I really don't know what to do. Any suggestions?

On your mark, Get set, GO!

Here we are! The real beginning of this blog. This may be a crazy ride, like I  mentioned last post. But don't worry, it's not all going to be bad. I may have lots of stuff that I'm struggling with, but I do have loads of fun too. I'm just like any normal teenager. :) So, in advance...I'm sorry if I ever seem like a big baby, or some weak stupid little gal. I do ask for any opinions and any advice. I want to know what I can do when I have a problem. I'm tired of having everybody come to me with their problems, asking me for advice...but when I need it, they won't listen. This is the only way I can let it all out...and it would be nice to get advice too. So, if you have anything to say...just say please. I need help...and if you need help...just ask. "We're all in this together." We can all help each other out. Don't be afraid to let it out. If ya want some advice...somebody will give it to ya. :)

What made me start?

Well, my sister told me I should start this blog. I like to hold things inside and not tell anybody what I'm going through or what I'm feeling. So, my sister told me to start a blog where I can blog everything that I have kept inside. All my feelings, problems, everything. So get ready for a ride of crazy stuff going on! This may not be pretty. Also, I won't be blogging until next Monday...but I don't really think anybody will see this blog by then. I'm going camping with my church...so bye everybody. I'll start to really blog next week. :D