Letting it out.

This week has been pretty hard on me. Don't get me wrong, Christmas was great...but it's after that. Things just haven't been the best for me and it's been hard for me to handle each day. I struggle with wanting to even face the day. I fight with myself each night so that I don't lose it. I have already had two breakdowns this week, and nobody even knew about it and had I not just said it now, nobody would have known. I have held in so much anger with myself and with others that it really has been getting to me this week and it's been a struggle. A hard and horrible struggle. It's hard even writing this out because this has all just been in my head. I hate letting people know when I am hurt. I act like nothing gets to me but things do. I hate having people worry about me. I promise you, I will be okay. This is life. We have our ups and downs, and right now it's just a little suckish for me. All I need to do is let it out because holding it all in is making it all worse I have realized. So here it is..and just so you know, I'm not going to say every little thing. You are only going to hear the littlest bit detail of it all.
Lately I have been holding in a lot of anger towards my family. I think the biggest reason as to why is because of spending so much time with them over break. You have to understand, I'm not home a lot. I try to stay away from home as much as possible because if I stay too long I tend to distance myself anyways by locking myself in my bedroom. I can only handle being home for a certain amount of time before I need a break. Anyways, being home so much has really been hard on me and I am ready to break just because of that. Each family has their own problems, mine included. It's just come to the point that I can't really handle them anymore. We have all been stressed lately with certain things and it's kind of sucks being at home right now.
Another thing I've been having a hard time with and probably the biggest thing, is with myself. A few weeks ago I had somebody tell me that I needed to tell myself that I loved myself. I couldn't even bring myself to do it. I still haven't. I've attempted it. Many times. But I can't say it. I just end up in tears each time. It sucks. I have been so angry with myself this week. I feel like I haven't been myself at all this week and I've been kind of a brat (that's the nice way of putting it). I keep feeling like I am disappointing everyone I care about. I feel like I'm not good enough for anything or anyone, anymore. I'm angry at myself for not having enough self-discipline, for letting myself get to be so sick (I'm not as sick anymore but still), for being so angry at the stupidest things, for letting my grades be the way they have been this whole year, for not doing my best at everything, for just being me this year. I think I suck compared to how I acted last year. I feel like I am starting to become somebody I never wanted to become and I hate it. I hate myself for it and that's why I can't bring myself to say that I love myself...because I don't.
And then I think about how others could even care about me and why somebody would even give me the time of day. I don't deserve any of it. I can't love myself and it doesn't make sense that other people could love me. I have been so hard on myself this past month that's it's just horrible where my self-esteem is right now. I have seriously degraded myself...and it's all my fault. I would get hurt over the stupidest things...for example we were doing something in one of my classes this month. Everybody in the class had to do it, and when everyone would do it, the rest of the class would say how great they were. When it was my turn nobody said anything to me except my teacher and one girl. It hurt me a lot. I felt like everybody else in the class was better than me.
I have brought myself down so much, you would be amaze. And I promise you, you would have never even guessed it because I know how to keep it in control in front of a crowd. I have done it my whole life. There are only a few people (not even a handful of people) who actually can pick up on when I am really just lying to everybody. They see it in my eyes, in the way that I speak and apparently in the way I hold my body (I'm not telling you this to know when to pick up on it...because you probably won't ever notice). It's just what they have said to me, that they notice changes in me and for them it's a big change, other people don't notice it as much.
People think that if I'm quiet, it means something is wrong. That's not usually the case. Most of the time, if I'm quiet, really all I'm doing is thinking and analyzing things. Anyways....so yeah that's really the least of it all. I don't want to spill out my guts because that's pointless. I know there will be people who read this and will just think, what a drama queen. I'm not trying to be a drama queen, I really just had to let it out because as I've learned throughout the years, holding it in makes it worse. Believe me, I know that for a fact. I don't want to go down that road again. I also have learned that I can't do this all on my own. I'm the kind of person who likes to fix everything on my own. All my problems, all my family's problems, all my friend's problems. I want to fix them on my own. But I can't. I fail each time and it makes everything that much worse.
However, I don't want you to pity me. Please don't, because that would make it all worse. It will be okay. This is only temporary. It's my trial and even though it has been hurting me so much...I only hope it will strengthen me. I do want to thank my good friend, April. There are not words to say how much I needed to get out of the house today. Thank you so much for taking me to the mall with you today. It was lots of fun and I needed it. I have been so heartbroken being stuck at home, I was happy when you asked me to go with you. Thank you. It lifted my spirits so much today. I can't tell you how much it helped me. You were an answer to my prayer this week.
That's my little "downside of life" for the week. I'm sorry for writing it out and everything and maybe disappointing you for reading it, but I just needed to let it out. I hope you understand that. Thanks. Don't worry about me. I'll be better in a matter of no time. I promise.

The start of Christmas Break :P

Life is pretty good I guess. It's been a pretty fun week. Let's see, things that come to mind about things I've done...hm. Well there was yesterday and Tuesday. Crazy days. I asked one of my guy friends to my school dance: Preference. Tuesday I gave him half of it and yesterday I gave the rest to him. I asked by getting a lock (like the ones we have on our P.E. lockers or the ones I used to use on my band lockers...back in the day when I was in band...that feels like forever ago...anyways...) and then I gave him a note attached to it saying,
"Duncan,
I think we'd make the perfect combination at Preference.
Don't you?"

Then yesterday I had a sign that said,
"Duncan,
It's time to unlock the mystery."

Then I had little slips of papers with several girl's names with different combos. My name had the right combo for the lock. I had my friend Mandy deliver the first half to his last period class and then my friend Marcus, he did the second half yesterday after school. So now I'm in the waiting process. Hahaha.

Oh and of course school is now out! HALLELUJAH! I am so happy. I can hopefully catch up on sleep and start getting better so I'm not sick anymore! Yay!

Today I'm getting paid which is great, because I need to finish my Christmas shopping. I'm supposed to go to the mall with my sister and her friend, but we'll see what happens. Tonight I have a Christmas party. This will be my third. Haha. So yeah, it's been fun :)

Hope you all have a great Christmas Break and a fantastic Christmas!

(Unless the world really does end tomorrow...but it won't...so have fun! Haha)

Just some thoughts I have had lately....

To those that read this and those I have misjudged,

I really try not to, but sometimes I really can misjudge people. It's one of my weaknesses and I've been trying to work on it. I feel guilty for all the people I have misjudged throughout my life. It hurts realizing how wrong I have been. My heart at times can be very hardened. I try to be open-minded and not judge people, but I do at times. There are times where I fall into the temptation, and it is times like this that I feel horrible. I know nothing and I have no right.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to all those I have misjudged some point in my life. I don't know all you go through. I don't know what you have had to deal with that make you the way you are. I have been wrong so many times while judging people. It's not my place to judge.

You would think I would be more understanding, I've had my fair share of trials, but sometimes I am selfish.

I forget that others go through their own hardships. Sometimes I ignore what I see others going through because I only think of what I am going through. At times, I am blinded by my own selfishness.

That is what I do, but it is not who I am.

I refuse to keep doing nothing about this problem of mine. It's going to be incredibly difficult, but I want to do better. I don't want to keep going through life knowing that I have this weakness, but I sit around and do nothing about it. I don't want to give into the idea that that is who I am, because it's not.

I am starting now, today, this very minute, to work on it. Starting with a girl I have shut out of my life because of a mistake she made so long ago. She used to be a really close friend of mine and I turned my back from her. I never meant to, but I did. I feel awful and it has shocked me how far apart she and I have become. She was like a little sister to me and I promised her I would always be there for her.

I lied.

I didn't mean to, but I did. I knew she had her faults, I accepted them. They never made a difference in our friendship until one certain slip up, something that was even towards me. I don't know why, but I hardened my heart against her. I shut her out and I wasn't there for her after that.

I feel horrible.

Lately I've been trying to be a little friendlier, but it's just not the same for me. I feel reliable for the broken friendship and I have not yet forgiven myself for it. I feel bad knowing now how she was having a hard time adjusting to certain things and didn't have many friends with her throughout the whole thing. When she needed a friend most, I wasn't there for her. I feel like I broke the friendship. I was the one to have walked away first. It's hard looking back, realizing how close of friends we were and where we are now.

To that girl, I am so sorry for that mistake. I am sorry for not keeping my promise to you. I am sorry for not being the friend you trusted in. I'm sorry.

I lost a very good and close friend because of my hardened heart and judgments toward her. I am so lucky that I have been given another chance to make things right with this girl, but that's not always the case.

We miss so many opportunities when we choose to judge. We put our relationship with the other person at a risk. Even if they are complete strangers, we risk it. And for what? A little self-gratification? Some social acceptance? Blame? What really are the reasons behind judgment?

Are they really worth it?

My reasons aren't. All they are is stupid and pathetic. And I am sorry for my mistake, my weakness, my judgments. I am sorry for falling into the trap of judgment and risking any relationship I have. I am so sorry.

-Alissa Lopez

December already?!

I can't even believe it's December already! It feels like it was just January!!! Where has the year gone? I can't believe how fast my birthday is coming up! I pretty much have been refusing that my birthday is soon. Haha. I'm not ready to turn older yet. I think it's because I remember when my sister turned this old and I am refusing that I am that old. Ha. I'll just skip this year. Just kidding.

So this week. Wow. Crazy week, I'll tell you that! It's been a stressful one, but it's also been a pretty good one. Yesterday was hard for me, but I pulled through! Thanks to the wonderful cast of "Once on this Island" at Lakeridge. You guys lifted my spirits completely! Your number of "Mama Will Provide" made my night so much better! Also, last night was my dance concert. It went pretty good, I guess. Haha. Now I just have to perform on Monday and then that dance is pretty much over.

My picture of Shaina and her boyfriend

One great thing about yesterday was drama class. Drama this past week has been lots of fun. Our student teacher has been going crazy. Hahaha. Shaina and I have lots of fun in that class. She likes drawing pictures of angels with big wings and I draw her and her boyfriend. Haha. Drama class = fun.

Anyways, overall it has been a good week. Tonight, I'm going to see "Once on this Island" again. Hahaha. I have watched it soooo many times. Oh well. It's a fun show. Have a great 1st of December! Love you all!

Cinderella Memories

So as many of you know, I was in my school's musical of Cinderella. I was a specialty dancer, so I got to dance a lot in it (mostly act 2). It was definitely a hard musical for me. There were lots of ups and downs throughout the whole process of the show, but as it came to a close, it was all worth it. I had lots of fun performing and remembered why I had tried out in the first place. Thanks to everybody who came and supported me and to all those who helped me so much during rehearsals...even on the days I broke down. Thank you all! I really can't thank you enough. Here are some pictures from closing night, there are many more, but I don't want to overload you. Haha :)

This is me in my first costume :)

This is my ball gown for Act 2 and also my outfit to the wedding in Act 3

Shaina being Shaina...

Dresses, legs, and character shoes. How we love it! (Me, Alexa, Shaina and Gabby)

Shoes and dresses (Alexa, Shaina, and me)

Me and Shaina! She was always there for me during this show!

Little miss Gabi being Snow White haha

My best friend came to see me on closing night :)

The three of us. (Shaina, me and Gabby)

Nathan Keele and me. He was my dance partner for half of the dancing.

Jake and me! This guy is hilarious! Him and his brother Colton are great!

The Godmother (Meghan Flinders) and Godfather (Trevor Hansen)

Cinderella (Amanda Flinders) and the Prince ( Josh Card)

The two stepsisters (Kylie Lord and Becca Cobb)

Me and the Stepmother (Jordan Bradford). This girl is so hilarious! I loved getting to know her!

This is my crazy ball gown! Petticoat, underskirt, and then the dress. Plus let's not forget all the pins and my tank top. Goodness. Haha.

Me and the Queen (Clarissa Smith), plus Lindsey being a creep. Haha.

The Godmother, me, Cindy, and the Prince

Family portrait time! King (Colton Story), Queen, Godmother, Cindy, and the Prince

They spelled my name wrong, but whatevers. Costume rack. It's all over :/

Shaina is a little weird...and exhausted. Hahaha.

My gorgeous flowers from my family! <3

Some of the eyes from the cast. Haha...creepy I know. We did a guessing game on Facebook with it.

One Lucky Girl

This past week has just been insane. I have been working my butt off to get my grades up this week. Ended this term with all A's (that's including 2 A-'s). I am so relieved but I know I am so lucky that I was able to get all my work done and be able to get my grades up.
Also I was so lucky this week to be able to go to my first choir concert at Mountain View! It was on Wednesday, which is young women's night and so I normally wouldn't be able to go, but my mom let me! And I was even luckier that I got to go with the most amazing guy...Andrew :) The choir concert was great. My friends Kirsten and Mvhayv did great on their first choir concert at Mountain View! My friend Zoe, she did great at her solo and it was all just great. It was even better because of being the luckiest girl...being there with such a great guy!
Thursday I felt lucky once again. I have rehearsals pretty much every day after school for my school musical, Cinderella. And on Tuesday-Friday after rehearsals I go to Lakeridge to help out with their rehearsals for a little bit. Thursday we didn't get out of rehearsals for Cinderella when we were supposed to and I had to be a Lakeridge that day to talk with the cast. Luckily I got there in time thanks to my friend Austin, and I was lucky that I got there in time before Andrew even left. Hehe.
Friday, I found my Halloween costume! I am going to be a "Fall Princess." I have a long, brown dress. I am planning on painting a leaf across my face and a leaflet necklace around my neck, maybe even a leaflet bracelet on my wrist if I feel like it. I am going to have orange nails and I have silver shoes and a silver mask that all go with it. I don't know exactly what I want to do with my hair but I have an idea. I was soooooo lucky I found my costume! Thank you so much Oquendo for letting me look through your costumes and letting me borrow it!
Yesterday was great! I had rehearsals in the morning which wasn't too bad. After rehearsals, Mvhayv came and she and I went to Wendy's to eat. Then I finally faced my fears and went to Target (There's a reason why I am afraid to go to this one Target...it's a certain one, other Targets, I'm okay with). Then Mvhayv and I went to her house to get ready for her party later that night. We finished cleaning up, then we decorated her house and made food (the food was great!). It was all a lot of fun. Then the party started!!! That was loads of fun. I think the funniest thing that happened that Mvhayv and I got some silly string earlier that day to spray Andrew with, but it failed us and we couldn't get it to work. We struggled with that for awhile. Haha. Oh and apparently Andrew is a "cat whisper." Haha. Got chocolate shoved into my mouth, very unromantically by Andrew...but whatever. It works. Haha. But yeah, it was a lot of fun.
I really have just felt like a really lucky girl this week. I was not expecting this week to have so much fun in it, I was expecting stress beyond galore! But that didn't happen and I have been so blessed! Thank you everybody who has helped me out this week. You all are amazing. Love you all!

What a life I have haha

This month has just been insane. These past couple of weeks have been super stressful with it coming close to the end of 1st term. I am very, very disappointed in myself this term. I don't know why I have let my grades slip so much. I am an A student and this term my grades, as of right now, 3 A's, an A-, a B, a C+ and a C-. It kills me to see the C's and that one B. I can handle an A- but for me, I know I can do so much better than I have done this term. I really am frustrated that I have let it get like this. I know I've been busy with rehearsals, babysitting when I can to earn money and helping out with another play...but that should give me no excuse. I chose to do those things and if I chose to do them, I should have enough self-discipline to keep my grades up or I'll have to change something in my schedule. I have been working my butt off this last week to improve my grades and luckily I've gotten some of them up, but I still have more to do and this is the last week. Wish me luck. I will not end this term with those grades, I will get them to be better than that. I give you that as a promise.
Other than that, life has been pretty good. Rehearsals have been crazy. Friday I was at school for 11 hours! Insane. I was exhausted. We were dancing all for rehearsals. I am so sore from it. Since I'm a specialty dancer in the play, I get to do a lift. Yay. I've done lifts before, so I'm okay with them. This lift has bruised me though, from my left armpit down to the side of my stomach. It's crazy. I am in so much pain from it, but I have to deal with it tomorrow when we get to do it again! Joy!!! My dance partner is somewhat awkward...but he's cool I guess. My second partner is a nice guy and really funny. I don't feel awkward around him, so that's good. I've met a lot of great people from this play and feel closer to a lot of people that I've worked with before. I love plays. I love being onstage. It's where I feel myself, but don't at the same time. I can just lose myself in my acting. It's an amazing feeling.
Best thing that has happened to me during rehearsals is that Criman has told me he loves watching me perform and that I have a talent. That made me feel a lot better! Also, I was talking to Mr. Young once before rehearsals (he's the ballroom coach) and he told me that he's seen me improve a lot from last year to this year and was asking how I would feel about team and stuff like that. Freak out moment! Haha. I was planning on trying out for team next year...I probably will. I just don't want to get my hopes up too high though. I know Mr. Young...he can say things just to be nice so I don't want to think I've got a spot secured on ballroom team yet. We'll just see what happens.
I'm really excited for Halloween. I think I might be a fairy...but I'm not really sure. This week I have my friend's Halloween party, and it's a Masquerade. I'm excited for that. I knew that she was going to be doing this, I helped come up with the idea of a Masquerade. So when I went to Shakespeare Festival, they had some masks they were selling and I got one just for the party! It's adorkable. It's silver and preeeettttyyy. Hahaha. So yeah...sups excited.
Then on Saturday is my Stake Dance!!! I LOVE Stake Dances. They are so great...especially now that we have an amazing DJ! I can't wait! It's going to be great. And I'm glad it's all after the term ends so I can just finally relax and have some more fun! So it should be great :D That's pretty much everything. I'll update ya later!

Shakespeare Festival Adventures :D

Sorry it's been forever. I have been crazy busy!!! This weekend I was able to go down to Ceder City for the annual Shakespeare festival! Oh my crazy it was just amazing! There are lots of pictures, but I'll show you some of my favorite ones. Cuz seriously...there's like a hundred of them. Hahaha. Anyways, it was an amazing weekend...actually it was an amazing week. Started off amazing, and just kept getting better day by day :D

Colton in the background. I thought this was a cool picture.

Just had to take a picture :P

Austin...he seems drunk...but don't worry he's not. That's sparkling cider.

Kimmy doing her monologue!

Prodigy's drawing!

MVHS Shakespeare team

Team's funny picture

Lakeridge's Shakespeare Team...minus 3 girls. They were in the bathroom.

Their funny picture :P

The best people...THE OBSERVERS!!!

Our funny picture :P

I just love this picture of Gabby!

This girl is just amazing! She and I became really close over the weekend. Prodigy, you rock!

Ciera! I love this picture of her :)

My foot, Gabby's foot, and then Ciera's foot :D

Crazy, great week

Oh and I had these pics taken this week
and I really like them, so I thought to
share them. Hope you like them :)

Third week of school completed! I've got a lot to update on...well not really, but still. Haha. So for those of you who don't know, I tried out for Shakespeare team and then also tried out for my school's musical of Cinderella! I didn't make Shakespeare team, but I'm glad I tried out, it was something I have never done before and I'm going to try out next year for it. I did make Cinderella though! I am a dancer in it! Which really is shocking to me! I didn't think I would cut it for a dancer, but I did. It also is great because my ballroom teacher is going to be working with the dancers a lot, since a lot of it is ballroom dance. I feel like this will help me with my ballroom, and perhaps I will try out for team next year :) I'm really excited for Cinderella. It should be fun! And just so you know, I will be selling tickets for it, so if you want some, just call me. I'll get more info when I know more. We haven't really talked about the tickets too much yet. But just so you know in advance, yes I will be selling them and I hope you all can come. There are going to be lots of surprises with this musical and it's going to be great! ;) So yeah, you should really come. Oh and I'll tell you now, I would try to come on our Saturday night performance...hint hint. ;) So yeah :)

This week has been pretty great. To tell you the truth, it's been insane! It was great that I didn't have any school on Monday. But I think that's what made the rest of the week insane! I was off on my sleep schedule because of not having any school on Monday. So Tuesday I was tired, but then Wednesday I was soooo exhausted that I was going insane. It seemed to me that Wednesday, everybody needed sleep. And a ton of it at that! In my french class that day, my french teacher was hula dancing. In ballroom, well that class is always insane...but that day, it was a different insane! Drama. Oh gosh. How can I even explain all that happened in that class. Mr. Criman and our student teacher decided to be raptors, and then they almost had a "Lady and Tramp" moment with a phone...awks! There was a lot of insane in that class, we'll say that.

Lunch was weird too. Kirsten and Mvhayv were talking with me by the vending machines and then all of a sudden I was a vending machine as well. Hahaha...one of those, had to be there moments. And Zoology. Oh goodness gracious. That was bad. End of the day, right? Yeah...not the best. It didn't help that we had to write the life cycle of cnidarians (they are like jellyfish, sea anemones, etc). We had to have certain words in it. For example, egg, sperm, fertilization, sexual reproduction, asexual reproduction, etc. Yeah, and our teacher is expecting nice clean stories. Yeah...good luck with that...haha. Mine was just....oh man. Horrible.

Thursday was the cast meeting for Cinderella. Soooo excited for it. That was fun. I actually got enough sleep that night seeing that I went to bed around 5:40 ish. Haha...even though I woke up around 8:30ish, but I did go back to bed around 11. Haha.
Yesterday...GREAT DAY! I went with my friends, Kirsten and Mvhayv to their choir social. Lots of fun. We kind of suck at volleyball...well at least Mvhayv and me. Haha. Then we learned disco...that was a lot of fun. Embarrassing, but fun. We stayed there for like ever. Then walked home, well walked together till we had to split. Kirsten and I got to walk together longer since I live past her. We had a HUGE and great talk, which was nice to have! As I was walking the rest of the way home by myself, some weird guy looked at me as he drove by. He smiled creepily, and then waved at me. It was weird. Haha.

Tonight, I'm going to my friend, Halle's birthday party. It shall be fun. I can't wait. Andrew will be there too, so I am excited. Hehe. Anyways, that was this week. I will tell you this school year has been amazing so far. I am going to be super busy this semester though. I have Cinderella, I babysit 3 times a week for a couple hours, I have homework/school, young women's, Oquendo wants me and Kirsten to help him with his 4H drama club, which I will help out of course, and then any time I have goes into helping Oquendo's musical, and then I hope to have at least a few minutes of free time to spend with friends, and Andrew ;)
Haha. Yeah, insane life. So it shall be fun. Wish me luck. I don't know how this will all work out...but it will and I can't wait to see it all play out. I'm actually kind of glad that I didn't make Shakespeare Team now because that would just make my life that much more insane. Haha. I think Heavenly Father knew I wouldn't be able to handle it. He's great that way :) Well that's enough for now.
 Oh except for one last thing, last friday I went to the football game with Kirsten, Mvhayv and Andrew. Tons of fun and it was an amazing night. Plus on top of it all, we won that game! Perfect night. I shall always remember it! :D There, now that's enough. Haha. Love y'all!

And school is back!

So, as most of you know, school has started for moi! This first week of school has been INSANE! Like literally! It was crazy and stressful because I started the year off with auditions for my school's Shakespeare team. I wasn't sure if I was going to try out for the Shakespeare team because I never have and I don't particularly care for Shakespeare. I don't even really understand it unless you give me like a month...just to learn a monologue. And even then I still don't completely understand! So yeah, I was not sure I should try out, but my friend Gabby has always tried out and tells me about how great it is. I always hear about these stories from Shakespeare festival, and it was sad because I couldn't be a part of them and I didn't really understand it. So I wanted to try something new and learn what it's all about. I have never been so afraid for an audition in my life! Of course with auditions, I always get nervous...but this was different. See my forte are musicals. I feel more comfortable trying out for musicals. And trying out for this, something I wasn't comfortable with and didn't know much about, it was so nerve-wracking! I was literally shaking uncontrollably. It was closed auditions, meaning only one person would go in and audition at a time. I was lucky enough to have my friends Gabby and Kimmy come in and audition with me! It was nice to have them there and I felt a little more at ease. By the way, this audition was on Thursday. My friend Kirsten also tried out! Anyways, Friday, Criman put up the call back list and call backs would be after school that day. Freak out moment! So Friday morning, I was dreading to look at that call back list. I found Kirsten and we went to look at it together. We both made it! Same with Gabby and Kimmy! I was so relieved! Then I started freaking out again. Now I had to do call backs, and I heard you had to do improv for it. Which is not a strength of mine. So I was freaking out...again! After school, all the nerves came again. And yes, we had to do improv! For those of you who don't know what that is...it's improvisation. Making things up on the spot, pretty much. Criman gave each of us a partner randomly. Luckily I was partnered up with Kylie Lord, who I know and I was happy to have her as my partner. Then he split us into 3 groups. Gave each group their own Shakespeare plot and then we would have to improv it. For example, my group was given the plot of a girl who had to dress up as a guy for some reason. Their master was in love with a certain girl and wanted this girl/guy to tell the girl that he loved her. However, this certain girl, she was in love with the guy/girl. And yeah...that's the basics of the plot. Well I had to play the girl and Kylie was the guy/girl. I feel like we did quite well on our improv. We made them laugh, and that's a good sign. Kirsten said she felt pretty good about hers too! So that's great! We don't find out who made it until Saturday!!! Soooo long to wait! I don't know if I can wait that long!
So after our call backs, Kirsten, Mvhayv, and I went to Lakeridge to go see Oquendo! Well, first off that walk to Lakeridge...haha fantastic. Also it just happened to be Lakeridge's 9th Grade Barbecue. So that meant Andrew would be there. We saw him and I had Kirsten and Mvhayv go in front and I would walk behind them. Andrew saw Kirsten and Mvhayv and ran up to them and gave them a hug...which is when he saw me. :D So he ran to me and gave me a hug as well! It was great seeing him again! We went to Oquendo's room and talked for a couple hours. Then we left so that we could get ready for the MV game! We met each other all at the game and had fun! We didn't even pay attention to the game that much haha. But that's okay...we only got 7 points. Oh well. Better luck next time, Bruins! It was a lot of fun just being there with my friends...and Andrew! :D It was a perfect day!
Yesterday was my multi-stake dance and ohmycrazynessofalife. It was awesome! I had the time of my life! We got rained on (we were outside) but that just made it even more fantastic! The music was awesome! And it was a blast! Haha. I danced all night, with friends, with strangers....with boys. Haha. I met this guy and I wish guys would be more like him at dances! He was talking it up with everybody! He danced with a girl every dance and would ask them right away. He was a really funny guy and I can't wait till he's at MV because that dude is great! Haha. Me and Sydney were joking today that since he would be a sophomore next year, Sydney could date him. (Sydney would be a senior) And then I would have Andrew who would be a sophomore, and I would be a senior. Haha. Oh we're great. But yeah, the dance was awesome.
Also, yesterday I had my family reunion. Wow that was great! I was so grateful that everything worked out and I was able to go to it. We were afraid that I wouldn't get a ride home in time to go to the dance (my mom wanted to stay). It all worked out, I was able to get ready and make it to the dance around the time I like to go (I don't like being there on time, I have to be at least 30 minutes late haha). So it was perfect!
This week will be crazy as well. I've got auditions for my school's musical, Cinderella! I'm so excited. Wish me luck! Those auditions will be Monday, Tuesday and then Wednesday (Wednesday are the dance auditions, and Monday and Tuesday are the auditions, auditions). So I'm auditioning tomorrow cuz I have babysitting on Tuesday. Wednesday I'll be doing the dance auditions. Thursday I'll be babysitting again. (By the way...thank you Sister Stott for letting me babysit! I have needed money and need it even more now if I make Shakespeare Team). Friday I have my drama banquet. Yay! Drama is great and I'm so glad I'm taking it this year!!! After our little party, we are going to the football game! Sweet! Saturday is when Criman will put up the cast list for Cinderella and Shakespeare Team. Sooo I'm super stoked for this week! This is going to be great, and crazy! That's pretty much my life at about now and this is getting to be too long. Haha. So I guess I'll end here. This year has been great...oh and my seminary teacher...AMAZING! Love Bro. Taeger! I can tell, this year is going to be awesome. "Life is better on the Mountain!"

24 Letters...my last letter!

Wow, this is my last letter I'll be writing for my challenge. There are many more I could write to and I have so much to say to each of you! Thank you all for being great friends! I love you all! It's been great writing these letters, they have had me look back and think about all the great times! I have had 24 days of reminiscing, and that's been so great! You also get to know a little more about me through these letters, which I find pretty neat. Thank you all for everything! Today's letter is going to be different than all the letters I wrote. Thank you all, once again for everything! Love you all..

08/16/12
Dear Heavenly Father,
Wow, this is so different writing this. I don't know where I should begin. There is a lot I could say. Heavenly Father, thank you so much for everything. Really, you have been there for me everyday. Even when I didn't think you were, I now realize you were and you always will be. I feel awful because of how I turned away from you. I really have never felt so empty before. I'm so grateful that I took seminary and you had given me a friend I needed to help me realize you were there. Just looking back at that time in my life, it really does hurt me to see how lost I was, and how confused I was. I do remember, I had no testimony at one point, and it hurt to hear people tell me that they thought I was so strong in the church because I didn't feel like it, because I didn't believe it. I have now gained my own testimony and I know you are always there for me. "I have learned for myself."
With Jeremy and that whole thing, I remember one night I just broke down. I really didn't know what to do and I prayed so hard that night. I remember asking to have peace and comfort and I just remember feeling as if somebody was hugging me and telling me things were going to be okay. I have never felt like that before, and it was incredible. And then talking with Jeremy's grandfather. I know you had him say what I needed to hear that night.
Heavenly Father, I know you have helped me so much this year. I have such a strong testimony that you are there always, and that prayers are answered. When things got really rough this summer with an old friend, it was through your help that I was able to just forgive and move on. I can't believe the peace I had that morning when I woke up and had truly forgiven. I know it was because of you, I had tried on my own but couldn't seem to forgive, but once I asked for your help, it came easier. It was incredible.
I can't thank you enough for always listening. You know me more than I even know myself. You have been with me through EVERYTHING. You've been there the nights where I cried myself to sleep, the days that were the best days of my life, you've been there when I was sick, everything. You are constantly there and there aren't words to describe how grateful I am.
I remember at girl's camp, my third year. I had been dehydrated and I was really sick. The priesthood men gave me a blessing that night. I don't remember what they said, but not all of it was for me to feel better. I remember the feeling I had. The spirit was so incredibly strong. I couldn't believe it.
I also remember just this past year, when things were just getting to be too much for me. I was trying to fix things and I felt like I was failing. I needed a blessing, and when I finally got one, I couldn't believe, once again, how strong I could feel the spirit. The guy who was giving me the blessing, he hardly knew me, yet what he said was exactly what I needed to hear and I know it came from you. I think that moment was one of the times I have felt the spirit the strongest. Words cannot describe that feeling I had. I felt so comforted, and loved and I knew you were there for me. I have no doubt in my mind, you are there. I can't even begin to tell you how strong my testimony is of that. I just know, for myself, you are there for me.
You know me more than anybody else does. You know my strengths, and you know my weaknesses. After all, you are my Father. I know that you give me trials that you know I can handle and I know they will make me stronger. I've been through a lot this past year, as you know and I know it was all for the better. It has made me a better person and I have become stronger because of it. I've grown up a lot because of the trails I have had this past year. I have learned a lot.
Heavenly Father, thank you so much for always being there for me. Really, thank you. I know I keep saying it, but I really just can't tell you enough, thank you! I do know you care and I know you are doing what's best for me. Looking back, I really do feel so bad that I turned away from you. I can't believe how much I had forgotten. I forgot who I was and I feel awful that I forgot you. I am so grateful to have you in my life. I really don't know what I would do without you. You know how I like to try and fix things on my own, but I have learned that I can't. I can't always do things by myself, and that I do need your help. I have learned to ask for your help. I know I can always count on you.
I hope you know that you really do mean a lot to me. Even though life has been crazy and it always changes, you are always constant. Thank you for teaching me so much throughout my life. Thank you so much for being there for me over 16 years now. Most of all thank you for your love. I don't know who I would be if it wasn't for you. I seriously can't imagine it. I love you and you mean so much to me. Thank you for always guiding me, and helping me be a better person. I really do want to make you proud. I really do try my best and I know you know that. I can't thank you enough. I know you are watching over me, and like I keep saying, I know you are always there. Thank you for giving me everything I have. I am so blessed. I can't thank you enough for the friends I have, I am truly blessed to have them in my life.
I feel so lucky. At times, I feel like I don't deserve things, and that other people deserve them, but I want to thank you for giving me what I have. I really am grateful for everything, even the little things. I know that my testimony actually started to grow from the simple little things because I had to start small. Thank you. I really do hope of making you proud, my Father in Heaven. I love you so very much. Thank you, once again, for everything.

Your daughter,
Alissa A'Lynn Lopez ♥

2nd to last letter for Jentree!

08/15/12
Dear Jentree,
Girl how I've missed ya! I'm glad we got to see each other at least once during the summer! That was a good day. Jentree, all our days are great! We have so much fun together! Like seriously, we have had some crazy great memories. Like singing with Mandy. Oh my gosh. That's always fun. We HAVE to do that at the talent show! Bahaha. Yeah...in masks...so nobody would recognize us! Hahahaha.
Jentree! We are going to have even more fun this year at school! We are going to be just awesome and make some crazy great memories. People are going to just WANT to know who we are because we will have so much fun. Haha...okay maybe they won't...but we'll have fun anyways.
Oh my gosh! I'm so glad we are going to at least have one class together...at least last I knew we were. I hope that's still the same cuz we haven't had a class since like 9th grade! And that seems forever ago!
By the way...Computer Tech. That class was great. Haha. Even though you and Gabby were stinkers and always made it hard for me to sign into my computer! Oh and remember that spider that one day? Haha. It was sooo scary! I shouldn't have blown on it! Ha. And my scream. Oh gosh. I felt bad for the substitute. And that was so embarrassing. Haha.
Um, so Jentree...we have had some super memorable moments. Like Morp. That was a lot of fun! Seriously it was! I had a blast. I must say, our group. Awesome. I think it was my favorite group I've had. I thought it was odd how that random guy came and played with us in the park. That was kind of weird. Haha. But still, the dance and the whole group date was a lot of fun.
Jentree, we not only have some crazy memories, but we also have great memories. Like the ones where you have been such a great friend! You have been there for me a lot this past year! I mean seriously! The whole thing with me being sooo confused and not knowing whether to talk with Sariah about that one thing, yeah. You helped me a lot with it. I have followed your advice so far. I'm thinking once school starts and everything...I will talk with her about it. But I want to thank you about helping me.
You've been there when I've been crazy, quite stupid/blonde, happy, sad, boy crazy (haha), and everything else. It's been so great to have you as a friend! I love spending time with you and just talking! We always have such great and interesting conversations. Haha.
Jentree, my dear. Thank you so much for everything. For always listening to me go crazy. Thank you for being such an amazing friend and always making me laugh! I trust ya a lot, and I want to thank you for being so trustworthy! You are amazing! Thank you, once again, for everything! Love ya girly! I hope we'll always be friends!

Screaming over spiders around computers,
Alissa Lopez ♥

Mandy, as promised...gets the 22nd letter

Mandy is the one on the right :P

08/14/12
Dearest Squishy Fishy,
Well, we've had quite the life, haven't we? Hahaha. We've had many, many, MANY crazy moments. Literally. Pretty much our lives together...they are just crazy moments. Haha, but we have so much fun with each other, and that's all that matters!
Like going to the park at night and just having fun. Getting wet in sprinklers, going to movies, going to Strawberry Days, everything...it's just all fun.
We are great! We have soooo much fun! Like really, we do. We are hilarious! Hahaha. We have all the fun in our family! Like when we went to Lakeridge recently to do your class changes, we just had such fun, even though Carissa was getting embarrassed because of us. Hahaha. Who cares? We had a good time, even though we were dancing around and going crazy! Haha!
So, as you know, you're my youngest sister. You are my little baby sis! Hehehe. I want you to know that if ya ever need anything, I'm always just a room away. Hahaha. Although...you should knock before you just enter my room. Hahaha. But really, if you have friend issues, need help on homework, or even guy stuff (hehehehehehehehe), I'm always willing to listen and help you out! Even when I do move out, I want you and Carissa to know that I will still be there for you two! You can always call or text, and I'll talk :D
Mandy dear, we really have had so much fun together! All our crazy, wild moments...which aren't rare, they truly are fantastic. Haha. They happen like probably 5 different times a day, AT THE LEAST! Haha.
Oh how we love swinging! Although, I get hurt a lot. Hahaha. Like falling out the swing, getting stuck in the other swing, scratching up my leg, falling backwards out of the swing, flying out the swing into the wood chips, yeah...haha. I have realized swinging doesn't like me as much as I like swinging. But it's my passion!!! Hahaha. My passion, swinging, barefoot in circles. Your passion. Swinging barefoot. (I'm not sure if there was more to yours or not). But yeah, we have some great adventures swinging, don't we? Hahahaha.
Hahaha, remember our little competition with the handstands and cartwheels? Oh my! And then we did a backhand-spring...and I fell on my ankle. Ow. That really hurt! It actually hurt for the rest of the night haha. Yeah, well that was fun too! And I will learn how to do one! But it might take awhile before I can trust myself doing another backhand spring. Hahaha.
Oh hahaha, by the way, I think you should know...I love taking pictures with you! Hehehe. We always make crazy faces and just have fun with the camera! We are models! Hahahahaha. I'm so glad that I have you as my sister because you make my life that much crazier! (In a good way)
Without ya, half my life would be gone! Most of what I do is with ya and our crazy times. Like the song we used to sing all the time from the Wizard of Oz. Hahaha.
We are always going to be sisters. No matter who we meet, we will always have a different bond. Life is crazy, and has a lot of changes, but one thing that will never change is our sisterhood! We are great. I loveth you! You will forever be my squishy fishy!!! Haha.
Mandy, don't forget yourself in this world. You need to stay strong and live the way you know you should live. Love life, and embrace it! There will be people who will try to make you forget your worth and will try to tear you down; don't listen to them. Don't let what other people think of you, change you...unless it's for the better. If somebody tells you, you are heartless, or a waste of time. Do not listen to it! You are NOT a waste of time! You are definitely not heartless Mandy!
Remember you are of worth! Your Father in Heaven loves you and you are truly a princess! He is always there for you! If you need somebody, He will be there! Don't forget that! Mandy, I hope for you to always remember Him, and how great He is. He will help you with anything! He knows you and your soul! He knows your strengths, and He knows how to make your weaknesses even stronger. Lean on him. He will be there for you, no matter what!
I love ya and always will! We have great memories, and believe me...there are more to come that will be just as great! Don't forget who you are! I know dad watches over you, and he loves you! Don't forget that. I know that when the time comes and you meet him again, that day will be so great! I can just imagine him greeting you with a HUGE hug! He loves you! I love ya too, Mandy! Remember that!!!

Your crazy and insane sister,
Alissa A'Lynn Lopez ♥

Today I wrote my letter to my Grandpa :)

08/13/12
Dear Grandpa,
Hey Grandpa! I wanted to start out by telling you that I love you and that I really miss you! I wish you could have come up and visited this year, but it's okay. Grandpa, I don't think I have ever told you how important you are in my life. You are my father's dad. My dad is a HUGE part in my life, and you are too. I always imagine that if my dad was still alive I would be a daddy's girl. Maybe I only think that because I didn't grow up with a father, but I do think I would have been. I wish, more than anything, that I could have known him longer. I couldn't be happier to have him, of all people, as my father.
I'm so glad to have you as my grandpa. I have been absolutely blessed to have you in my life. I do miss you a lot and hope to one day visit you and grandma out there. It's one of my dreams. I miss Texas, and Texas is also a big part of me ♥
You are sooooo great Grandpa! I love ya to death! I love when you and Grandma come out to visit, it's my favorite time of the year! It's like the one time of the year we actually eat chicken. Hahaha. Plus, we get to spend so much time with you and Grandma! I love going to the Cracker Barrel, going swimming, even going to Chuck E. Cheese, because we get to spend time with you and Grandma! I love it!
My favorite memory of you, well I have two memories. The first one is when you first came out to visit. Haha I remember that day. I was outside and I saw a car pull up. Naturally, being so young, I tried to see who it was inside the car. You looked familiar, but I didn't know who you were. Then it hit me! I realized who you were and ran into the house to tell my mom that you and grandma were here. Crazy day! Haha.
The second memory was another year when you came up. We were outside just doing whatever. The ice cream truck came around, but it didn't come down my street. Me and my sisters, we told you about how they never come down our street. Well you went and got the ice cream truck and brought it down to our street, right in front of our house and then bought us some ice cream. I loved it! I thought (and still do think) that it was so cool that my grandpa went to get the ice cream truck just for us :)
There are sooo many more memories I have that I just love! I can't believe how lucky I was to have you as my grandpa. I love you so much, grandpa. I always have, and I always will. You will forever be a big part of my life. You are so important to me, I hope you know that. Nothing can change that! Nothing ever will. There will only be one Grandpa Lopez in my life, and there is no way you could ever be replaced.
Just like my father, nobody can take your place. I love you both so much. You and my father mean a lot to me. I love you and I love grandma too! I couldn't be happier to have such great grandparents. I feel like the luckiest girl to have you as my grandpa! There is nobody else I would want as my grandpa! I love you and miss you soooooo much! I want you to know, grandpa, you have been an amazing grandparent. You have been like the closest thing of a father-figure in my life. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. I will never forget you! How could I? There is no way that I could ever be able to forget you, and I never want to!
I don't ever want to forget the time you came out here that first year. I don't want to forget your smile. I don't want to forget the times we played basketball in the backyard. Or the times we splashed each other while swimming. I never want to forget you. You and grandma, you both mean so much to me. You are the parents of my own dad. I never want to forget you both. You both mean so much to me! Part of me will always be with you! I will always be a Lopez, I will always be my daddy's little girl. I will always be your little granddaughter, in this life...and the next. I love you so much grandpa. Please don't forget how much you mean to me. Don't forget me. I love you. Thank you for everything. You will forever be a part of my life. Remember that. I love you so much. Thank you for the great memories. Thank you for being the best grandpa I could ask for. I love you so much!!!

Your little granddaughter,
Alissa A'Lynn Lopez ♥